I'm not a photographer. I just want to take photos in exchange for money.
Apparently you can get paid—in cash and on time—for taking photos. What about the months-long game of begging people for the money they owe you? It's almost too easy...
Last night, I was hired to photograph Richard Cabut’s book launch for his latest release, Ripped Backsides. This is the first of, hopefully, many events that I will be paid money to take photos. Lydia paid me at the end of the night in cash which felt delightfully odd.
I forgot that the transaction of money for service could be so simple. Mustn’t you toil for months? Doesn’t one come up with a novel idea, both queer and sellable; hunt down the unhuntable; interview a cast of mistrusting characters with three recording devices; write dog-shit drafts that make you doubt yourself, your abilities, and your will to live—all to spend the next year banging down the doors of your publishers, pleading on your hands and knees to get paid?
Last week, I CC’d the entire staff at Cosmo on an email imploring they stop ignoring me and let me know if they still planned to publish the piece they had commissioned last winter. After six months of radio silence (and many personnel changes), I was told I’d be receiving a kill fee— 25% of the original contracted price. (Part of me wanted to ask if they’d just print the damn thing and call it a day.)
Apparently, it can get more civilized than this. Last night, I listened to some kooky poems, found the artful angles in a studio brimming with New York City punks, got the low down of my friend’s latest hook-up, and left with cash in my hand.
I do really love photography, though, I’ve learned that my childlike enthusiasm for that art will not be well received by everyone. I use a point-and-shoot film camera, a total goon move for the veterans, and am still very much a novice. I would never claim to be a photographer (even though it’s 2025 and 97% of Gen Z in the U.S. use a smartphone with a camera). Everyone is kind of a photographer now, which I think bothers photographers. Obviously, photography is a skill and a pretty easy one to identify. Since I’ve started taking analog photos, my respect for the practice has grown infinitely. It’s both hard and sometimes easy to take a good photo. My thesis for all of this is that I have the utmost respect for photographers, I really want to get better and am invigorated by how much there is to learn, and also, if you take offense to my newfound photography excitement, go fuck yourself, you pretentious fuck.
Here are some photos from the event and some things that I learned.
No one likes having their photo taken but everyone loves having taken photos
I tried to remind people of this when they froze or flashed me a look of terror. I usually just complimented their outfit (easy to do in this crowd) and you could see them soften, realizing, that wow, they do look good, and why not get a picture.
Flash photography can be awkward when the person is talking about death
As the clacking sound of flash echoed through the quiet studio, I realized that readings are tricky. If this was a concert, or anything high energy, flash photos fade into the chaos. This older punk woman, with dark eyeliner and a fierce jawline, was reading a poem about her dead friend. Someone who was not me took a clacking flash photo and I grimaced. I waited for that poem to be over and took a photo when she was repeating the word “portal” a lot.
Everything is better with good people
Good people invite you into their worlds and spaces. Good people extend kindness with their eyes: a wink, a smile, a nod that lets you know you’re okay. Though perhaps the goal is to move through an event invisibly, I felt excessively visible. I was touched when people treated my clunky intrusions with levity and humor. The camera facilitated connection and friendship. It was a conversation starter between an admirer and the admired. Lastly, none of this would have happened without my friend Lydia Sviatoslavsky, an internet pal turned collaborator, who, when she heard I was getting into photography, said, I have an event for you. That is the best kind of person.
